Top 31 Ways to Hide in a Girl's Locker Room

1. Don’t hide at all. Dress up like a lady.

2. Unless you are a lady. Then, hide in the trash can.

3. Go to the neighboring classroom, hack into the air vent. Crawl on your hands and knees until you are positioned above the ladies. Then, peep.

4. Cover your fingers and toes with super glue. Then, maneuver yourself like Spiderman so you are hovering above the ladies toilets on the ceiling.

5. If your impoverished third-world school refuses to install flush toilets, and instead relies on plywood with a hole cut out of it, propped precariously above a deep feces filled hole, probably somewhere out where your playground would have been, had your parents been less poor, then you can put on some rain boots and dunk in there.

6. The Jews did it.

7. Don’t you remember Schindler’s List? Peeping Tom's, the lot of em.

8. Become a geek, and get crammed into a locker.

9. Peep through locker slats.

10. Paint yourself the same color as the walls. That would be Nicotine Stain.

11. You can find that at my house.

12. Don’t try looking at Dunn Edwards. They don’t have it.

13. This may take some time, and effort, if the walls are made of tiles. In this case, vomit on the tiles where you wish to blend. Then, barf on yourself.

14. Have a sex change operation.

15. Unless you are a girl. Then, have two of them.

16. Take drugs. Like X or something. Or maybe some LSD. Then, run like a raging manic into the locker room. Be sure to yell obscenities like, “Hey! I got some crack! IN YOUR BRA! Take it OFF!” Or perhaps, “HEY! I’m HIGH!”

17. Hide in one of the stalls. With a gun. When a lady comes to pee, hold the gun to her head and force her to perform fellatio.

18. Then perform fellatio on her. It’s only fair.

19. Do you think the Feds are reading this?

20. I don’t have a gun. And I don’t take drugs. Like X and LSD. I’ve never done those. That would be wrong. Since they’re illegal and everything. I don’t do things against the law. Only for the law. Like, wearing my seatbelt. I do that.

21. My roommate says he lost his virginity when he was 21.

22. Put on PE clothes and say things like “Like” and “Whatever.”

23. Put on teacher clothes (mumu) and acquire a clipboard. Lean against a door jam and pretend to look at the clipboard. You could yell things in a manly voice like, “Hurry it up, ladies!”

24. Become your school mascot, then just wear that.

25. There’s a highly complex sewer system designed to manage several hundred toilets and sinks all running at the same time. Find this and tunnel into Ladies Locker Room.

26. Trip the fire alarm and wait outside locker room door with open palms. (You see, titties will be barging out of the door at an almost inhuman speed. Be Ready.)

27. Clothe yourself in towels and act like a towel basket.

28. When ladies reach in to grab a towel, let em know what they could be grabbing.

29. Divide and Conquer.

30. Take up smoking. Anyone can smoke in the girl’s room.

31. Become a queer. Remember Rickie from “My So Called Life”?