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1. Watch the Spice Girls Movie.
2. Then tell Someone your theories on the delicate plot line of the Spice Girls Movie.
3. Talk about Taylor and Phil’s relationship.
3. Chat Someone up about your experiences at Band Camp.
4. Marry Someone. Weddings suck.
5. Put Someone through the University. A Graduation is hopefully not too optimistic an expectation, and attending one would be quite boring.
6. Explain why according to linguistic propriety, using the world “hopefully” as a disjunct is an acceptable modern interpretation of the classic adverb.
7. Give Someone a “some assembly required” children’s toy.
8. Begin costumer service work for H&R Block.
9. Take away Someone’s cell phone.
10. Cut the cable lines.
11. Please readers, make sure you are using clippers with wooden or rubber handles. Thank you.
12. Take Someone on a hike.
13. It’s going to be hard to get Someone to go to church. But if one could somehow connive it...perhaps kill Someone’s family member. This has the potential to result in several ceremony services in the deceased's honor.
14. Talk about the lists you post on the net.
15. Play Jefferson Airplane.
16. Become a parent.
17. Cut Someone’s legs off, spoon feed Someone applesauce, and only promise to return said legs once Someone has finished writing a historically accurate third installment to the Iliad and the Odyssey.
18. Explain why according to Latin linguistic propriety, ending a sentence with a preposition is impossible, while ending a sentence with an adverb is entirely permissible. Especially in an imperative sentence.
19. Get on the wagon.
20. Bring Someone home to meet the parents.
21. I’m joking mom, you’re very exciting.
22. *cough brown noser cough cough* uh I mean, twenty two.
23. Achieve, children. Become a telemarketer.
24. Treat Someone to a luxurious day at the spa.
25. Instigate a political discussion with Someone on a college campus.
26. Offer Someone a vast sum contingent Someone learns to flip a lighter around his thumb on command.
27. Impregnate Someone.
28. Men: this applies to you too.
29. Explain why according to linguistic propriety, the word “too” is a classified adverb and thus has place ending a sentence. Remember too, to note the difference between the words “to” and “too”; “To”s idiosyncrasy being that it is, in fact, a preposition. Dirty word.
30. Invite Someone out for a night on the town. Then go to the opera.
31. Read Someone your poetry. Or one of your lists.
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